And today’s diagnosis is…

Stoical. I went for my three month oncology appointment today and that was the outcome. That and the fact I am not super human – so that’s ok then! Saw one of the lovely doctors I have seen before who was wonderful. 

I also saw lots of Trekstock posters in the waiting room! There was one young guy in the waiting room (it’s a mixed clinic waiting room for heart problems and oncology) otherwise there was a gap between us and everyone else of about 40 years. 

I also went to have the HRT sorted – hopefully a standard HRT tablet will suit better and not end up with banging migraine. Wasn’t a good start when the doctor didn’t introduce herself but at least they were not overrunning too much with the appointment times. She went to go off and fetch the HRT Queen (aka the consultant!) and when the consultant came in, she read something on the desk and then called me by a different name…. hmm! 

The rest of it was fine this time (phew) so forward march. 

What a pain

It’s been quite strange going through temporary early menopause due to ‘ovarian insufficiency’ and I have felt that I did not get much help with this at all in the beginning. No information from the docs, no preventative action – funnily enough (and as usual!) Woman’s Hour have been the best. Who would have thought that the items aimed at women my mums age would be really helpful – it’s too hilarious. 

The most funny not funny thing was when I finally did see a specialist was her saying that I needed to have sex. OH WELL THANKS, THAT IS JUST FANTASTIC. Just what you want to hear when you have been though a really great time recently and feel so marvellous about yourself, oh yes and you have a boyfriend. Perfect. 

So – in light of the above, I am going to make sure that future cancerous personnes get the information because frankly no-one needs to have this bundled on top of them. Boys have it easy in terms of fertility preservation!


I’m well aware that I haven’t done very much on this recently. Sometimes when I know I have things to do, it makes me feel physically sick!

However, moving along now –

August 2016

After much rearrangements of packing due to strict cabin baggage measurements and restrictions, I got flight from Southampton to Edinburgh.

I got Mal a Toblerone from the duty-free. I also got a BLT from Costa which I paid through the nose for but it was quite good. The bottle of water was Scottish and I wasn’t even there yet! The plane was delayed in boarding gate for some reason which confused me as it is only a tiny airport.

The plane was one of those small ones with scary propellers. I was only slightly apprehensive – first time on a plane since BC. The lady who sat next to me needed to use a magnifying glass to read  and she also got her a big suitcase under the seat in front of her. Before she had sat down, she had the suitcase in the foot well of the seat – it then fell on me and then she had to sit down because of the people needing to get past so she pushed the case against me which was not very great. She then put it under the seat and I was hoping the cabin crew were going to make her move it but no such luck! Generally it was okay but the seats were quite small and I was next to one of those panels where I had to lean forwards to see out of the window lean back to see out the window behind.

I read my book for most for most of the flight – it’s a book I’ve been trying to read for ages but I seem to lack the concentration for any book reading recently. It’s also a book which I can never remember the title properly but it is called The narrow road to the deep north ( I had to look it up) When we landed, it was difficult to get my bag out of the overhead locker and then a bit precarious down the tiny steps from the aeroplane to the tarmac. We all then walked straight through right through departures to arrivals.

When I walked through the airport, I spotted some guy who I recognised – he looked like this guy who has a beard and does funny vines. He was sitting in the cafe but it may not of been him (although this is the time of the Fringe!). I withheld my snigger at the variety of kilts on offer in the airport shop.

I hung around in arrivals and as soon as I was going to send Mal a text, I got his! We went and picked Nic up. He was impressed that he hadn’t taken the wrong turn to get on the bypass and there was a long queue on it. At this point it was around 5 o’clock and getting busy on the roads. There had also been an accident on the other side of the bypass, which didn’t help.

We went through the city and as we were pulling up to the barrier where she works, a group of people in various states of fancy dress walked past – it was funny because the guy at the front of the group looked like he was wearing what could be relatively classed as eccentric but essentially not abnormal clothing (a French Renaissance/musketeer hat and a long brown coat). I thought it was strange but passable getup and only realised that they were fringing when I saw the stick on moustaches and deer stalkers on the rest of the group!

We got to the flat which was in an old tenement type building in Morningside. We had homemade chicken pie then chatted and played with the cat.

That first morning I felt strange. Feeling sick with apprehension as to wether I could ‘do this’. I looked up what was on and realised I had missed ’10 things I hate about UKIP’ which I thought was a very promising title!


So, why write a blog about my cancer? Surely the answer is – why not! For a start this is to document what happened as quite a lot went on in a very short amount time and if I hadn’t written about it, I would not be able to remember a thing. Thank you brain. I think another reason is that lots of people (myself included) do not know about Hodgkin Lymphoma (HL) even though it is common in my age group – so I figure that a bit of awareness is not a bad thing!

The kitchen has no draws!

After talking to Emily about her cycling blog, I thought I’d update. I’m effectively where I would have been this time last year if cancer hadn’t happened (and we know cancer happens) so I’m just finishing my last week at uni before exams and I’m not scared yet, just in mild panic which could tip over at any stage… So I moved into halls on campus (a convenient 2 min walk to classes) and the flat is more like a maisonette – large kitchen/diner/sofa situation on the ground floor then with 3 further floors with 4 bedrooms on each (with two share-y bathrooms). I’ve been here since late March and have only just realised the significance of the cutlery in the empty Nutella jars on the side – there are no draws in the kitchen. A definite “SAY WHAT” moment!


Wednesday 19th March

Got worried about cancer spreading and infertility. One of those things that I focused on because I didn’t have anything else to concentrate on at the time. Turns out that you can have eggs frozen etc. but takes 6-8 weeks and you have to have it before chemo. Will just have to wait and see. They say you shouldn’t try for a baby for up to 2 years after you’re fixed as if it is likely to come back, it is within that time scale. So…26 ½, 27 ½ 28 ½ geez!!

Turns out Richard Harris (Dumbledore) died from Hodgkins Lymphoma! Who knew.

Think Len came to visit?

Bye Hollies

Friday 14th March

Plan was to go to Mayfly for lunch with D. Got there and they had rubbish food on the menu so went to the White Hart – which had just stopped serving :/ so some guy had said to try the Grosvenor. It was spot on for the food!!! Shame it was inside though – I had RUMP STEAK AND CHIPS AND TOMATO AND MUSHROOM AND PEPPERCORN SAUCE!!! Omggg mmmmmm. THEN we went to Thyme and Tides and had tea and cake –  I had peanut butter cake t’was amazing and D had a salted caramel millionaire shortcake. Mmmm. He’d also gone to the butchers to get pork pie, sausages and then we also got some bread, brosh and I got a scotch egg.

M and Sis1 had gone to Bristol to pack up stuff. R, B and CK were in – mills showed M kitchen bits but then had to go and R and CK were asked to help move boxes when they were packed.

CK was so rude to them. Unbelievably so. Someone needs an attitude adjustment… I think he was hungover but even so – he wouldn’t offer any help and grudgingly threw my stuff around and went off in a huff when Sis1 told him to be careful. He is one of the most selfish people I have ever met – this latest offering confirmed it! I should have reported him at the beginning when he first lost his keys the twat. M asked him about the rubbish and he said “Oh the bin is in the kitchen” and M looked and said “It’s full do you know where it goes?” And he vaguely waved a hand “Oh, it’s out the front where you come in” …so… no offer of “Its fine, I can do that for you” or “leave it here and we can sort it…” more likely that he left it for R and B, the pain in the ass. OH and he documented EVERYTHING on twitter #HELPFUL. WHAT EVER there was noo need to be rude.

They tried to send R off to get my money but he had lost his keys or something (too hungover!) so he messaged me to say if he could do a transfer? So I said that was fine, gave him my bank acc deets. Still waiting….

Chris came over around 7.30 was really good to see him! He has got a flat in Bishopstoke.

Sis2 came back too.


Thursday 13th March

Strange dream about Keira Knightly – I blame reading Em’s trashy mags she got me! Was wierd – like a Wreck it Ralph volcano and I had to sit on the edge and shout down to get a partner for this event or something. And it was also like the bit in Mulan with the snow when the Hun is coming over the mountains. Was crazy. Had to try and write in the sand. There were also horse riders (looking like they were going on a hunt) Then was awkward as someone possibly M talking to someone saying oh yes, A knows so and so and then about the Joses, and then there was a lady standing really close behind me who M kept looking at sideways and it was mum Jose – then it was like that awkward situation where she can hear and know what your saying. ANYWAY. Kept waking up – first time was pain in tum but felt like was in Pomp hospital but it was the last bed before TCT and I felt like I was attached to a line. Had to keep shifting in my sleep as felt that on side everything was collecting on one side. Got really hot and had to get a sheet.